Danger in Mexico!! and the Rumble With the Rat 2011 finale (I hope)

The real dangers in Mexico are not the drug cartels, banditos or shady hombres in dark alleys. The real dangers are worse, they wait until you don't expect it and sneak up on you. Taking you unprepared and unaware.
The first is something you think you know well and trust. The real danger is your sphincter, yes your own sphincter. FOR GODS SAKE be conscious of your sphincter and be ultra careful with your flatulence. Unfortunately there is no inconspicuous way to wipe off the crap that's running down the back your leg. While you're coolly and nonchalantly using up every napkin at the table so that you wont leave a trail when you walk out your awkward twisting and craning will draw every eye in the crowded open air cantina (thank God its open air). After a week of tortas and tacos death by embarrassment will not be quick and painless.
(Names have been omitted from the previous paragraph to protect identities... don't go saying it was me)
The other is chafing. I have had the opportunity as of late to do an up close and personal study on chafing. Mexicans do not seem to be affected. You can see that this is true as they do not have the squatting bowlegged walk that has been adapted by so many of us gringos. There can be two reasons for this.
The first hypothesis is that after countless generations spent hundreds of years walking through the sand to bring helpless gringos margaritas and time share sales pitches Mexicans have genetically developed inner thigh skin not unlike that of a tortise shell. This thick meaty strip of skin is what protects them from chafe in this hot climate.
The other possibility is that when I walk my fat sweaty ass rubs together halfway down to my knees.
I don't think that's it though... I'm going with the genetic skin thing.
On to happier subjects, I now believe I am rat free. I with that I could take full credit due to my hunting prowess but I don't think that is the case. Apparently I'm just not very good company. But I learned a few things hunting my rat. I couldn't find the snapping rat traps so I bought the kind that the rat wanders onto and then gets stuck in a nasty gooey, sticky substance. After two unsuccessful days of waiting for the rat to fall into one of my traps my amigo Octavio asks what kind of food I put in the trap... food... oh yeah, food. Stupid gringo.
Octavio was also of the opinion that a big rat would just carry this thing away. I think Octavio was wrong. Which brings me to the second thing that I learned. Do NOT place a trap on the floor of the galley. You will forget its there and step into it. In the dark. In the middle of the night. Trying to pull all that crap loose I had begun to think that it might be easier to just tie shoelaces across the top of my foot and try to pass it off as a sandal. I guess I should be grateful that they didn't have the snapping kind.
Other than these slight challenges things are going well. I tore out the entire main salon and flooring so that I could cut the top off of the water tank and glass the bottom. I washed the outside of the boat down and the teak looks good and I am sure that we'll be able to bring it back to life. I am finally getting to the point where my list is actually getting shorter rather than longer every day. We will be on the open ocean before we know it! No big rush though, we are on Mexican time now. Everything gets done manana.